Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the LORD forgave you. Colossians 3:13
There are times when I just don’t want to forgive. I mean, I know I should forgive. The Bible says I need to forgive those who have wronged me. But the business of forgiveness is incredibly messy. Holding onto unforgiveness makes me feel in control somehow, as if I have power over the person who hurt me.
Relinquishing that perceived power by forgiving someone is risky. To forgive means I have to risk being vulnerable. Forgiveness involves opening my heart to the One who is the ultimate Forgiver, but forgiveness feels like I’m opening my heart to the one I’m forgiving, allowing the wound to be stomped on all over again as I relive the hurt and sting of the past.
The interesting thing about the power and control we feel when we don’t forgive is that we, as the forgiver, don’t really have power over the yet-to-be-forgiven. We only think we do. Withholding forgiveness usually doesn’t impact the offender as much as it hurts us. They may not even know we haven’t forgiven them or that they are even in need of forgiveness. Unforgivenss really puts us on the “hook” with them, trapping us in anger and resentment, while we continue to hold “court” in our heads with the person who has hurt us. In these imaginary court proceedings, we are both the judge and the prosecutor. These cerebral arraignments only lead our hearts further astray. We ruminate in a vacuum. The only person getting worked up is ourselves.
In the long run, these unforgiving and often vengeful thoughts enable us to justify our anger and draw us further away from forgiveness. Unforgiveness wreaks havoc in our relationship with God and in our relationships with others.
When our anger or resentment is triggered, we need to reach up and take the offender off that hook. In the courtroom of forgiveness, God is the ultimate judge and we can trust Him to deal with the offender justly. Opening ourselves up to God to heal our hurts and help us forgive creates a vulnerability in us that is real, that makes us a bit more authentic. When we give up our perceived control to the One True Judge, we can truly forgive.
Some say forgiveness is a process. I disagree. Believing that forgiveness is a process means that we can say we’re working on forgiveness but often the “process” allows us to procrastinate on the actual act of forgiving. In reality, forgiveness is a decision of the will. Forgiveness is deciding once and for all to forgive, taking the offender off the hook, canceling their debt forever, and then choosing not to renege on our decision. It may take a while to get to the point where we can decide to forgive. Even then, our hearts may not yet be fully engaged. When we stand firm on our decision to forgive, our hearts will follow. The process is the healing of the hurts we’ve endured from the offender which takes time. Choosing to forgive is the decision that starts this process towards wholeness.
Forgiving others as Jesus has forgiven us gives us the strength to move forward, no longer stuck hanging on the hook of unforgiveness. Freed from these shackles and their close inmates of anger, resentment, and bitterness, we can live lighter, no longer weighed down by this huge burden we’ve been dragging around with us. Strength through vulnerability to the One True Judge and the firm decision to forgive leads to the pathway of freedom, wholeness, and peace.
Lord, I thank You that You have forgiven me for my sins. Help me decide once and for all to forgive those who have hurt me. May I continue to honor that decision and not go back on it as I move forward in healing, freed from the burden of unforgiveness and empowered with the strength of the Holy Spirit. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
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Copyright © 2017 by Dawn Dailey. All rights reserved. Photo of path in Monet’s garden at Giverny, in Normandy, France.
All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
There are times when I just don’t want to forgive. I mean, I know I should forgive. The Bible says I need to forgive those who have wronged me. But the business of forgiveness is incredibly messy. Holding onto unforgiveness makes me feel in control somehow, as if I have power over the person who hurt me.
Relinquishing that perceived power by forgiving someone is risky. To forgive means I have to risk being vulnerable. Forgiveness involves opening my heart to the One who is the ultimate Forgiver, but forgiveness feels like I’m opening my heart to the one I’m forgiving, allowing the wound to be stomped on all over again as I relive the hurt and sting of the past.
The interesting thing about the power and control we feel when we don’t forgive is that we, as the forgiver, don’t really have power over the yet-to-be-forgiven. We only think we do. Withholding forgiveness usually doesn’t impact the offender as much as it hurts us. They may not even know we haven’t forgiven them or that they are even in need of forgiveness. Unforgivenss really puts us on the “hook” with them, trapping us in anger and resentment, while we continue to hold “court” in our heads with the person who has hurt us. In these imaginary court proceedings, we are both the judge and the prosecutor. These cerebral arraignments only lead our hearts further astray. We ruminate in a vacuum. The only person getting worked up is ourselves.
In the long run, these unforgiving and often vengeful thoughts enable us to justify our anger and draw us further away from forgiveness. Unforgiveness wreaks havoc in our relationship with God and in our relationships with others.
When our anger or resentment is triggered, we need to reach up and take the offender off that hook. In the courtroom of forgiveness, God is the ultimate judge and we can trust Him to deal with the offender justly. Opening ourselves up to God to heal our hurts and help us forgive creates a vulnerability in us that is real, that makes us a bit more authentic. When we give up our perceived control to the One True Judge, we can truly forgive.
Some say forgiveness is a process. I disagree. Believing that forgiveness is a process means that we can say we’re working on forgiveness but often the “process” allows us to procrastinate on the actual act of forgiving. In reality, forgiveness is a decision of the will. Forgiveness is deciding once and for all to forgive, taking the offender off the hook, canceling their debt forever, and then choosing not to renege on our decision. It may take a while to get to the point where we can decide to forgive. Even then, our hearts may not yet be fully engaged. When we stand firm on our decision to forgive, our hearts will follow. The process is the healing of the hurts we’ve endured from the offender which takes time. Choosing to forgive is the decision that starts this process towards wholeness.
Forgiving others as Jesus has forgiven us gives us the strength to move forward, no longer stuck hanging on the hook of unforgiveness. Freed from these shackles and their close inmates of anger, resentment, and bitterness, we can live lighter, no longer weighed down by this huge burden we’ve been dragging around with us. Strength through vulnerability to the One True Judge and the firm decision to forgive leads to the pathway of freedom, wholeness, and peace.
Lord, I thank You that You have forgiven me for my sins. Help me decide once and for all to forgive those who have hurt me. May I continue to honor that decision and not go back on it as I move forward in healing, freed from the burden of unforgiveness and empowered with the strength of the Holy Spirit. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Want to subscribe to future posts? Click here.
Copyright © 2017 by Dawn Dailey. All rights reserved. Photo of path in Monet’s garden at Giverny, in Normandy, France.
All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
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